My Heart Can't Tell You No Read online

  “What’s the matter, Mom?” he asked quietly as he walked up to her.

  “Nothing, Joey, I’ll be all right. Maybe you better go get Jack. Tell him my water broke and I’m ready to go.”

  “Go where?” he asked, fright filling his eyes as he noticed the wet floor at her feet. “Jackie—something’s wrong with Mom!”

  The oldest of the Baker boys was in the kitchen in an instant, eyeing his mother carefully as the others soon followed.

  “She said her water broke. What’s wrong with her?!” Joey asked in a rush.

  “Johnny, go get Dad. Tell him the baby’s coming,” Jackie ordered with the authority of the eldest child.

  “What about the sketties?” Tommy asked with wide eyes as he ran to the stove, dragging a chair behind him, then climbed up and looked down into the pot of sauce. “If you’re going to the hospital now—who’s gonna give us our sketties?!”

  “Tommy! Get down before you burn yourself!” Sarah Baker ordered her youngest son as sternly as she could manage.

  “But—we’ll starve!” Tommy insisted.

  “Jonas, get your brother down.” Sarah told Jackie, calling him by his Christian name.

  “Get down, fickled. We ain’t gonna starve.” Jackie yanked Tommy to the floor, then lifted the chair next to his mother. “Do you want to sit down?”

  “No, just go help Johnny find your father.”

  “I’m here,” Jack Baker said in his low voice as he took a step into the kitchen. He grabbed a towel to wipe the black grease from his hands, obviously having been working on the engine of a car. “John said you’re ready to go.”

  “I think so.”

  “Then let’s get a move on. You’re early. The sooner we get to the hospital the better.” He moved to her side and helped her across the kitchen. “Are they coming along or is someone coming out to be with them?”

  “I called Lew earlier today. I had a feeling this might happen. He said he’d be home all day. Jackie, call Uncle Lew and ask him to come out right away. Meanwhile keep the boys in the living room with the TV. I don’t want them around the stove. Uncle Lew will feed you when he gets here.”

  “Okay,” Jackie called after his parents.

  “Tommy, you be good! Johnny, help Jackie with the boys,” Sarah Baker called back to her sons as they came to the door and watched her leave.

  “And I don’t want no more brothers! I have too many already! Bring me home a sister!” Tommy called, making his two older brothers look at him a moment, then push him toward the living room.

  “Go sit down ya jerk!” Jackie said as he started for the telephone.

  “But I’m hungry,” Tommy protested.

  JUNE 1984

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  June 1984

  “Mom?” Joe spoke gently. “Mom?”

  Sarah’s eyes fluttered a moment before opening and slowly turning to look at him. Recognition took a moment before a smile touched her eyes and lips.

  “Joey. You’re back.”

  “Yeah. I’m back,” he sighed, relieved at the sight of the part of her that outshone all the rest, the part of her that would never change or grow old, all the warmth, understanding and graciousness she possessed. “I see your legendary spaghetti still attracts little orphan boys.”

  “You mean Jackie and Robby?” she chuckled as she retrieved her hand from his and cradled it in her other hand. She slowly straightened her fingers, revealing the painful arthritis that was invading her bones. “My spaghetti and just about anything else I cook.”

  “Then things haven’t changed much in the past twenty-five or thirty years.”

  “Sit down, Joey.”

  “I can’t stay long. I have a truck to unload down home. I’m moving back into Pop’s place.”

  “I didn’t know your cousin and his wife moved out.”

  “Last week. The last time the creek got high she gave the order that she wanted out of there.”

  “We’d have to build an ark if the creek got this high,” Sarah remarked with a glint of humor.

  “She wasn’t raised around here though. I imagine the idea of being stranded at home for a week or two during high water really got to her.”

  “It’s been over three years since we had a flood,” she reminded him, then changed the subject. “Have you seen the boys yet? Tom and John?”

  “No. Are they home?”

  “John’s probably down at his house. I wouldn’t doubt Tom’s down there with him. If you stop in and ask, they’d probably help move your things back.”

  “Maybe I’ll do that.” He got to his feet. “Will you be all right?”

  “Maddie and her boys are here, and Jack’s downstairs. He’ll be up soon.”

  “Well, then I’ll go. I have a lot to get done.” He looked down at the familiar face that was the closet thing to a mother he could remember. “It’s good to see you again, Mom. I should have never left.”

  “Maybe—maybe not. You’re here now. That’s what matters, isn’t it? Just stop trying to be a stranger. You should know by now it won’t work. You’ll always be called back.”

  “I know,” he said gently as he kissed her cheek then stood to leave.

  When Joe returned to the kitchen he found Maddie clothed in a pair of cut-off jeans and a T-shirt. Her thick black hair was brushed to a fullness as it flowed over her shoulders to her breasts. Surprise filled her eyes as he grabbed her arm and moved out the door.

  “What are you doing? Let me go!” She growled as she tore away from him.

  “What’s the matter with her?”

  “What are you talking about?” She took a step back from him. “You mean Mom? Besides having arthritis throughout most of her body, taking two shots of insulin a day, having congestive heart failure, and going through double bypass two years ago with a heart disease that continues to eat away at her—nothing! Today she seems to be having a relatively good day. She only reached for her nitro twice that I’ve seen!”

  “Why didn’t you let me know?” he asked in very slow, tense words.

  “Why didn’t I let you know?!” she asked with a false laugh. “Who are you that I should let you know anything?”

  “You should know who I am by now, little girl. Or do you need me to remind you again?”

  “Yeah. I know who you are,” she said dryly. “And I know your connections with my family. As for my brothers and parents—go ask them why they didn’t fill you in on the condition of my mother’s health.”

  “Did you tell the others not to let me know? Did you sit there thinking of how this shock was going to hit me?” He knew exactly what he was doing as he watched the fury fill her eyes, stopping only when he saw the build-up of tears.

  “No. I didn’t sit there pondering on how this was going to affect you! For all I knew she was dying on the operating table. I sat there wishing, hoping—praying—that by some miracle, you’d show up—just once—when you were needed. And God knows we all needed some extra strength those days she was in Intensive Care. So, if you still think it’s a big mystery as to why we didn’t let you know—go talk to your wife. Maybe she’ll give you the message she evidently forgot to give you two years ago when John called her parents’ house!”

  Joe watched her turn and head back into the house, feeling a disgust for his ex-wife for not giving him such an urgent message and an anger with himself for not checking to see how things were. He knew, as he witnessed all the anger Ma
ddie held toward him, he had a long, rutted path to travel to get where he needed to be. One of the deepest ditches was to gain her trust and forgiveness. But he also had to gain the ability to forgive her as well. He sighed as he turned and walked down the long driveway toward John’s house. Nothing seemed much different actually. He had known Maddie for twenty-five years. She had gotten under his skin the first day he saw her and had somehow managed to stay there ever since.

  MARCH 1959

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  March 1959

  Joey McNier opened the door to the Baker house and stepped inside. Bobby Green followed him like a shadow, a sudden shyness coming over the younger boy. Bobby had never seen a real baby close up; the children at the orphanage were always at least three years old.

  Joey looked around the kitchen, yearning for the security of Sarah Baker’s smile. Sight of her slowly and painfully walking from the bathroom filled his eyes with tears. He tried not to cry. Boys weren’t supposed to cry, especially boys his age. But the tears fell anyway as he ran to the woman, wrapped his arms around her waist and buried his face against her.

  “Joey? What’s wrong?” Sarah asked gently as she stroked his dark hair.

  “I missed you, Mom,” he choked out. “Why did you have to stay away so long?”

  By this time Bobby was crying openly. His nervousness over meeting the newest addition to the Baker family and seeing Joey crying was getting the best of him.

  “Oh, Bobby, not you too. Come here,” Sarah said with pity as she reached out to the younger boy, pulling him easily to her as she hugged the youngsters. “You two knew I was going to have a baby.”

  “Yeah—but ya didn’t have to stay away so long,” Joey complained.

  “I’m afraid I did. The baby came too early. There were some problems, and it took this long to make us better again. Come on now, it isn’t worth crying over,” she soothed the boys. “You should be happy—both of you. I brought home the baby. Think of her as a present.”

  “A present for me?!” Bobby grinned as he pulled away and looked up at her.

  “For both of you.”

  “Hey, Bobby, come look at what we got,” Tommy yelled from the front room, making the blond-haired boy hurry in to join him.

  “Come on, Joey.” Sarah took a step toward the room but winced with pain.

  “Does it hurt?” Joey’s eyes threatened new tears.

  “No,” Sarah lied as she started toward the room with her children. “not a bit. Now come see your present.”

  “I don’t want it!” he grumbled, hating the creature that made this woman have pain.

  When Joey and Sarah walked into the room they found Tommy playing with his mongrel pup, Johnny on the floor in front of the television, and Jackie on the couch next to Sarah’s twenty-three-year-old brother, Lew.

  Lew Cressinger was a fine-looking man, though no more than five-eight, he had a slim build with skin stretched over muscle that his service in Korea had toned. His thick black hair framed a face that seemed to be forever holding a smile. It was the kind of smile that, when flashed your way, made a returning smile curve your lips even if you were filled with apprehension. You never knew what trick the warm-hearted Lew was up to.

  Joey saw the man was holding a pillow on his lap, and he knew there was something on the pillow from the way Jackie was gazing down at it with such shining pride. But the object of Jackie’s gaze was hidden from Joey. Bobby stood at Lew’s knees, totally fascinated with the object before him.

  “It’s so pretty,” Bobby sighed. “Can I touch it?”

  “Just its arm—up here,” Jackie warned in his superior eleven-year-old manner. “We can’t touch its hands or feet yet. It was premature. It’s not all the way done, so we can’t get dirt on it.”

  “Hey, Irish,” Lew addressed Joey. “don’t you wanna take a look?”

  “No.” Joey sat on the floor next to Johnny.

  “Why not?” Lew asked with one arching brow.

  “Because. It made Mom hurt.” He kept his eyes glued to the cartoons, as Heckle and Jeckle strutted across the television screen.

  “All babies do that. That’s an awful big thing to come out of a woman’s . . . ,” Lew started to explain.

  “Lew!” Sarah warned with shock.

  “ . . . belly button,” Lew finished, looking at his sister. “I was gonna say belly button.”

  His explanation made the three Baker boys laugh. They had already witnessed the process of birth, having watched numerous dogs have their litters. But Joey and Bobby looked at him with fascinated curiosity.

  “All babies?” Joey asked.

  “Yep. Ya can’t blame her for making Sarah hurt. She was gentle as she could be when she came out,” said Lew.

  “How did she come out?” Bobby asked.

  Sarah gingerly sat on a chair, waiting for her brother’s words, knowing that in his amusing way, he could take them on a journey without ever leaving the room.

  “Well, Sarah says Joey saw that her water broke. That was when the baby first told Sarah she was ready to come out. That was when her little swimming pool in there overflowed and it was time to come out because she was too big for the swimming pool anymore and it was time to go to the hospital. Then once they got there, Sarah squeezed her out of her bellybutton. Sort of like a great big . . . .”

  “Lew!” Sarah interrupted again.

  “Belch, a great big belch!” He looked at Sarah again. “I was gonna say belch.”

  “Well, how did she get in there?” Bobby asked.

  “Jack put her in there. He spit a watermelon seed in Sarah’s ear and it grew.”

  This last comment not only made the Baker boys laugh, but Sarah joined them as well.

  Joey looked at him suspiciously. “Are you lying?”

  “What do you think?” Lew asked with a sparkle. “Ask Jack when he comes home. He ought to get a kick out of answering that one.”

  “Well, if it hurt at all, she was worth it,” said Sarah.

  “Yeah. It’s pretty,” said Bobby again.

  “I think it looks like a Chinese monkey,” Tommy told them.

  “Oh, she does not,” said Sarah.

  “It’s all yellow,” Tommy replied.

  “She’ll have normal color in a few days.”

  “I think she’s pretty,” said Bobby for the third time.

  “Well, I better get back home. Janet’s supposed to have ours any day now. My luck she’s in labor right now and didn’t call out to tell me,” Lew said, referring to his wife as he stood up and placed the pillow on the couch.

  “You gotta go now?” Tommy complained as he and Johnny stood up and started toward the door with him, soon to be followed by Jackie.

  “Joey, can you sit on the couch next to her until I come back in?” Sarah asked as she stood up and started out through the house with her brother.

  Joey looked up at her, seeing that she wasn’t waiting for his answer. Her request made something new stir inside him. It made him feel a little taller, a little stronger. He didn’t know this new feeling was a sense of responsibility over the creature he hadn’t even seen yet. He walked toward the couch slowly, watching as Bobby leaned over the pillow, his hands reaching for the baby.

  “Don’t touch it! Didn’t Jackie just tell ya not to touch it?” Joey scolded, expecting to see a little hairy baby with yellow skin as he eased himself down next to the pillow.

&n
bsp; “He said I could touch her arm.”

  Joey’s eyes moved reluctantly to the baby. The sight surprised him. It’s skin was golden—not yellow, and the only hair visible was the head full of black thickness. It didn’t look like any monkey he had ever seen, but it didn’t look like any dolls he had ever seen either. This baby was pretty. The baby was so small that Joey felt enormous sitting next to it. It seemed no more than a foot long with its little legs drawn up the way they were. Stretched out, it would be closer to a foot and a half. He was certain he had seen pups bigger than this baby.

  “I said don’t touch it,” Joey said in a strange voice, this time the reason had nothing to do with what Jackie had said, but at his young age, he didn’t know it or even stop to ponder on it as he pushed Bobby’s hand away.

  Bobby looked at his older friend. Sarah had said it was their present; so, he would wait. He knew his chance to touch her was coming.

  Joey seemed mesmerized by the baby, something inside made his chest about to burst with protectiveness as his hands slid under the pillow and pulled it up onto his lap.

  “Hey! I thought ya said not to touch it!” Bobby whined.

  “She’s mine!” escaped Joey’s lips in a growl, surprising both himself and Bobby. The younger boy backed a step away.

  “No she’s not,” said Bobby very quietly. “Mom says she’s for both of us.”

  “Come here then.” Joey felt guilt at his selfishness and the way he yelled at the other boy. “Sit down and we’ll both hold the pillow.”

  CHAPTER II

  JUNE 1984

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